Dogs and Men: Competition?

I changed my status on Facebook one day last week, to relate my desire for a dog - and got an e-mail from a guy asking if *he* could be my dog. Now, take that any way you will, but whatever it meant - I'm pretty sure he was serious. I sent him the following reply:

No, you are a human. Humans have no need to stoop to the level of animal instincts or behaviors. It is within us genetically to some extent, but we have, over the course of time, learned to curb and control these beast-like impulses to make them suitably benevolent and somewhat civil, as is palatable to society as we know it. Ergo, as humans, we domesticate four legged creatures and call them our ‘best friends’ as a rather ironic and sub-psychological reminder of the beast within that we all are proud to restrain; and under normal circumstances, have no occasion to release.

Now, should I, for some reason or another, need physical or verbal protection (although the latter is highly unlikely) that supersedes the abilities of my foremost protectors (i.e father, brother, strangers in close proximity) or if for some reason their geographic locals should deter them from assisting, and my real dog is a.) not around or b). not purchased, I would hail your animal-inclined behavior as a welcome source of protection and shelter from whatever battering, beating, blustering or other bad treatment I may be receiving or that is being inflicted on my physical or emotional person at the time.

Thank you for your offer! :D

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Now that wasn't bad, was it? Too harsh maybe?